rolls through her morning routine, the unawake parts: porridge+coffee+sausage, the newspaper, gut alignment (YES tmi oh well)…
thinks: i’m clear. i’m awake. i will head into Doing The Day and not stay in the twitterverse!
…wanders down hall but with twitter…
puts up ponytails: i could write; i should meditate; the wet laundry could dry while i do either.
clothes self: meditating and scripture are properly the center and thus the start of a devout person’s day — which i am —
half-makes the bed because it’s still airing: and yet writing, oh writing, which was supplanted yesterday by hebrew
and by the way exercise happens at 10:30
walks down hall to fish yoga mat from closet: oh writing yet prayer and still wet laundry will grow more microbes unless dry plus needs to be flattened/folded before exercise (+cleanup +school +stretching +concert)
yoga mat on floor, next coffee in hand, keyboard under fingertips at the kitchen table
I still don’t know whether I’m half as devout as folk seem to think I am or simply have found an intellectual pursuit that checks boxes of devotion.
I respect others’ wisdom in centuries of practice (devotional and writerly), hate re-inventing the wheel, and remain …is it unconvinced?… that the recommended particulars of practice function for me. Sublimely egotistical, that, and yet here I am.
Perhaps what I am is mystic (this is truth), and mysticism is not quite the same as devotion while looking very similar. After my directly felt/known divine experience, I have a matter-of-factness about God’s presence that’s hard to articulate and doesn’t depend on my behavior…. like I wouldn’t be able to shake you about the governor of Texas, or your favorite teacher. You’re likely not in routine conversation with either, but that doesn’t have anything to do with your knowing they’re there. Maybe chatting with your favorite teacher would encourage you in good things, and the more chats you had, the more goodness could ensue-? You don’t chat, though.
Too, after direct experience meditation is pretty flat. I liked the luminosity, and the fountain of delight/awe.
I’ll study on better self-levers for consenting to silence while I’m on break.
Meanwhile: laundry. And meditation.