I am stalling, and I know it. I think.
I’m not looking forward to summer. I am looking forward to things that are happening this summer: B living here from next week until August; visiting Baby C; Glen Workshop; Alaska. But now that I’m coming out of that lull-whatever, I am turning around to lose most of what daily structure I’ve managed to have. Monday’s class is already over. Seminary-class ends Thursday. In fact, I spent a surprising amount of time last month mulling about taking Ancient Greek… just for the summer-scheduledness of it. (Maybe next year.)
Today is the first summer day, then. My first day lacking schedule-bricks. Exercise, yes, annnndddd thennnnn…
I’ve had my other cup of coffee. I’ve read all my unread email, and any interesting articles they linked to. I’ve crunched on handfuls of cereal flakes as I’ve read a magazine (40pp, not long). I’ve played a dozen digital hands of Solitaire. I’ve skimmed a 9-session Bible study curriculum, idly considering whether my congregation would be interested in my leading it.
Which brings me to one of my ongoing questions/temptations. I have tremendous difficulty discerning, at moments like this, whether this is an organic wanting-slash-God prompting, or a shiny object to pursue…shiny simply because it’s none of the other things I’m doing.
I still have homework, and a final paper to write. I have some Girl Scout meetings to meet and manage, and GS classes to schedule and teach. I haven’t touched my Presbyterian Women responsibilities, minimal as they are in these between-times. Plus there’s the development course I’m in the midst of, and the project that’s part of that. I could also roll my sleeves back up and plunge my arms back into rebooting my church’s library.
I have plenty to do.
And half those things will be finished within a month or so. Any new study I’d begin wouldn’t kick in until September, when I’ll have my Monday study and two grad classes. So none of this addresses my summertime ‘procession of vagaries’ potential.
Much less my current lack of shower and clean clothes-!
I think there may be something more than Shiny Object Syndrome stirring inside that study idea. My congregation has a monthly multi-generational meal, Mommunity, that’s been whispering to me this winter. I haven’t participated yet. But I wonder whether that’s where I will walk next. And I wonder whether some of that crew might appreciate a little study time. Drawn from a little study like the one I just perused.
No rush. The best things unfold like elm leaves, like peonies, when light and warmth and nurture are just right.
Time to get back to this day. And to enjoy it for its ownself rather than fussing at it for what it’s not.
“This is the day the LORD has made; we will rejoice, and be glad in it.” — Psalm 118:24